14 April 2019

Less apparent things outside our control

People. One cannot control other people.



This fact is hard to accept because to all of us it seems that we are so easily pushed around. In childhood by our parents, as adults by bosses and other humans around us, and all this gives us the impression that there is no way we can do what we wish, that we are controlled. So we assume that other people too can be somehow controlled. 

But people are usually unpredictable. 

One can learn how people work, learn how to recognize different types of humans, learn how most likely certain humans will react in certain situations. But in the end, you can never be sure how the other person will respond, simply because you do not know what is in that other person head. 

Scammers know that humans are unreliable. That's why they will do their best to provoke an emotional response from their victim and make sure that victim acts as fast as possible, creating a sense of urgency.  Because if a victim stops and thinks they will not fall for the scam. It is more straightforward to scam and control emotional people or people who do not think much. 
But the main factor behind scammer's success is correctly guessing what might be inner motivation for a human to go along the scam. And that also explains why you have that feeling that other people control you. In truth, you are actually following your inner motivation. Like going along the obnoxious work situation because you need income. 

I will repeat, we do not know what is happening in other people heads. If you are verse in body language, you can read the emotions and guess from there what person's next reaction might be. But in the end, the guess is the best you can do.  
The main obstacle is a human brain and errors it causes. When anyone judges others, they usually use themselves and their experience as a reference point. And as an additional complication, people often project emotions, thoughts, and motives on the other people. 
Moreover, different cultures have slightly different norms for expressing emotions and somewhat different ways to react to the same stimulus.  So chances that you will be correct in predicting how a person will respond depends heavily on your own experience with the culture of that person, and your ability to be aware of how your brain functions, so that you can correct for errors. 

There are ways to exert control, as any person who was a hostage of some kind will tell you. One can scare people in doing what they wish, or one can destroy a person’s self-esteem enough that they lose motivation to fight back. I’ve seen both techniques in action. And those techniques work up to a point. And the person who is trying to control never knows when the victim will reach that breakpoint. That's why over human history, sooner or later oppressor's career ends in a bloody uprising. 
And breakpoints happen not only on society scale, but also on individual one, where a victim ends up murdering a bully, or less newsworthy, merely leave the bully. You probably met ex-bullies that were abandoned by their victims. Such people are usually older, and when you take pity on them, very soon, you see that it is better to stay away. I have such an example in my neighborhood, an obnoxious old man, and just to avoid pointless arguments with him I changed where I walk my dog, so I do not have to bump into him. And I reached that point after just a few conversations/arguments with him. 

Maybe you can call it karma, but after the point of breaking is reached, scammer/controller is left in a predicament. Not only that victim is gone, but also all the time used to increase, and perfect control methods is basically lost.  
I'll point again, to even try to control other people one has to invest a lot of time to perfect the skills and methodologies, and during that time scammer does not learn anything else.  And that is usually scammer's downfall because they are ‘one pony trick’ people.  Again, most likely you can take yourself as an example. You fell for a particular con only once. No one, especially same conman cannot catch you on the same trick twice.

Anyway, one cannot control other people. You can follow the rules of your society to gain the most of the support of your social circle, but that usually is based on how kind and helpful you are towards others in your social circle. Basically, you can do your best and then wait for the outcome.



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